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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24422818">What Then Is Love?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A Study of the Juniors [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mo Dao Zu Shi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A-Yuan’s POV, Feels, Mostly at the beginning, Multi, Some Fluff, Wei Wuxian take better care of yourself!!, caring Lan Wangji, possible suicidal thoughts (non-explicit), radishes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:55:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>888</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24422818</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A snippet of A-Yuan from the time of the Yiling Patriarch. Beware general feels.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lan Sizhui &amp; Lan Wangji (unromantic), Lan Sizhui &amp; Wei Wuxian (unromantic), Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A Study of the Juniors [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1763680</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>88</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What Then Is Love?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yes, yes, I know my last work was practically pure fluff, but I was inspired to write this at 10 o’clock at night, so yeah. Have some feels!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“A-Yuan.”</p><p>Little A-Yuan looked up from where he was making mud pies, smears of dirt on his cheeks and ground into his clothes. The voice that had called his attention spoke again, teasingly. “A-Yuan, A-Yuan, what are we going to do with you? You’re so dirty that we might as well plant you in the ground like a radish! A-Yuan,” it questioned, feigning seriousness, “Are you sure you want to be a radish?”</p><p>“A-Yuan is sure! A-Yuan wants to be a radish and grow big and strong like Brother Poor!” The child paused for a moment in meditation. “A-Yuan would be a very good radish.”</p><p>The owner of the voice, Brother Poor, chuckled. “I’m sure you would be a very good radish. But, A-Yuan, do you know what happens when a radish grows big and strong?” Quick as a snake, his arms wrapped around the child from behind, pulling him into his lap. “It gets eaten!” Brother Poor started tickling A-Yuan, who, shrieking with laughter, was making token attempts to free himself.</p><p>“Om nom nom nom nom nom nom....” Soon his Brother was laughing almost as hard as he was, flopping down next to him and spasming as fits of giggles wracked his body.</p><p>It was a long time later, after they were both starting to calm down, when A-Yuan heard the quiet voice of his Brother Rich in the doorway. He only spoke two words, and yet even as a small child, A-Yuan could somehow tell that he put something special in them, something others rarely saw.</p><p>“Wei Ying.”</p><p>“Ah, Lan Zhan!” Brother Poor looked up brightly from where he was sprawled next to A-Yuan on the floor. “What is it? I was just telling A-Yuan why he didn’t want to be a radish.”</p><p>Brother Rich looked slightly confused, but said nothing. He crossed the room to Brother Poor and took one of his hands. Frowning, he traced the prominent veins and tendons, the sharply defined knuckles, and the long, slender fingers with his eyes. Long and slender. Too slender. He was practically emaciated. </p><p>A-Yuan heard Brother Rich’s voice catch, saw his eyes narrow. Brother Poor must have seen it too, because he self-consciously pulled his hand away. Brother Rich let him, but the focus didn’t leave his gaze.</p><p>“Wei Ying.”</p><p>“Yes, Lan Zhan?” The smile Brother Poor was wearing was flirty, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Is my hand really that beautiful? I always thought—”</p><p>“Wei <em>Ying</em>.”</p><p>A pause. Then, “When did you last eat?”</p><p>Brother Poor looked down. He hunched over with his arms around his knees. Suddenly, A-Yuan noticed something he had never seen before. Brother Poor wasn’t really that tall, he never had been, but he never looked frail. However, now he seemed brittle, stretched almost transparent. He somehow reminded A-Yuan of a window he had once seen, back when he still had blood relations of sorts, before he met his Brothers. The window had been cracked, sharp lines splintering out in all directions like a spiderweb. None of the glass had fallen out yet, but it was really only a matter of time. One tap, one <em>breath</em>, and the precariously balanced structure would fall in on itself completely.</p><p>That was what Brother Poor looked like, realized A-Yuan. He wasn’t <em>breaking</em>, he was already broken, just barely holding together, waiting for something, anything, to push him just a little too far and let him shatter.</p><p>Brother Rich seemed to see this too, gently placing one hand on Brother Poor’s back. Brother Poor flinched. Without a carefully manicured and presented expression, he just looked tired. So tired, tired of everything, of the Burial Mounds, demonic cultivation, the hatred, the prejudice, the endless waiting for something the knew would never come to pass. Of his life.</p><p>That expressionless expression scared A-Yuan more than anything else he had ever seen in his entire time with his Brothers. He felt that Brother Poor was falling asleep, and somehow, A-Yuan knew that if they let him, he might never wake up again. Without even knowing what he was doing A-Yuan ran to him and hugged him. He was crying, big tears slipping out of his eyes, sobbing “Brother Poor, Brother Poor, wake up!”</p><p>He felt the body underneath him shift as Brother Poor registered his touch. His Brother slowly seemed to shake himself out of the stupor, trying to comfort the crying child, saying “A...A-Yuan. It’s okay. I’m awake. I wasn’t asleep. A-Yuan, it’ll be okay. It’s okay.” He managed a small smile. “It’s okay.”</p><p>A-Yuan pulled back to look at him. The smile didn’t feel real, didn’t look real, but at least it was better than that awful, blank exhaustion.</p><p>He sniffled. “Brother Poor, I’m h-hungry.”</p><p>“Mmmm. Me too, a little bit. Tell you what, why don’t we go down and ask Granny if she’ll whip us up something to eat?” Brother Poor stood up. “Lan Zhan. You coming?”</p><p>“...Mn.” Brother Rich rose, getting ready to follow them out the door. In the doorway, A-Yuan looked back at him, and their eyes met briefly.</p><p>
  <em>Thank you.</em>
</p><p>The meaning was clear. Each of them knew the other held Wei Wuxian as the most important point in their universe. The one person they would do anything to protect.</p><p>And they both knew Wei Wuxian had no idea.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I always liked the dynamic between A-Yuan and his “Brothers”, and I couldn’t find many fan fictions that included it, so, I thought, I’ll write my own! </p><p>Let me know what you think in the comments!</p><p>I may write something with Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng next.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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